The Future is So Scary Sometimes
Why is the process of finding an apartment in New York City so terrifying?
“In New York you’re always looking for a job, a boyfriend, or an apartment” — Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City
Currently, life feels scary. There are a lot of unknowns, most of them revolving around not knowing where I’m going to be living two months from now. For the past few years, I’ve had the comfort of knowing exactly what my apartment looked like, who I would be living with, and what trains I would need to get anywhere. Now, all of those things have a big question mark over them and it’s hard to visualize what’s next.
Change has always been difficult for me but has also caused me to grow the most in all parts of my life. It’s something that I’m excited for but can also spend long nights overthinking tiny details. I’ve noticed that I’m the most stressed when I can’t picture something. I tend to dream up little stories and ideas in my head of what I think something is going to look like, and when I can’t even paint that picture, life suddenly feels overwhelming.
I don’t think this is an abnormal feeling, and it’s definitely a common feeling among people my age. We live in a time period when everything is accessible instantaneously. Very rarely do we have to wait for anything, and if we do, there’s always someone out there trying to make it faster. As a twenty-something year old, I want to find ways to feel more comfortable in this uncomfortable feeling of waiting.
For me, this is mostly a mental effort. I have to tell myself on a pretty regular basis that everything is going to be ok because I am confident in myself and my ability to weather change. I’m trying to find ways to still enjoy life even though I am a tad bit stressed about figuring out where I’m going to live. These small things are definitely helping me and even after writing all of this down, I feel a lot better.