Grief & Birthdays
I miss my dad and birthdays are hard. February is always a deceivingly tough month for me. Weather wise, the month is a little rough and the days are short and dark. My dad’s birthday and my birthday fall within a couple of weeks of each other. I used to think this was a great thing, but after my dad passed, February became a bit sadder. Birthdays are very much for the living and when someone dies it is so apparent that the person who died isn’t getting any older, but you, the living, are still getting older. There is this weird sense of guilt I associate with my dad’s birthday and my birthday being so close to one another. Sometimes, I feel like my feelings don’t make sense but it is at the end of the day how I feel.
I’ve definitely written about these feelings before, but this year I feel more compelled to change how I react to these feelings. I’ve read a lot of insightful books this past year like Conversations on Love by Natasha Lunn, Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom and When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi. These books have inspired me to let myself fully feel the way I’m feeling. My body has an intrinsic response to stop myself from crying, even when I’m alone. It has taken some work but allowing myself to cry and fully feel whatever I’m feeling has allowed me to let certain thoughts pass instead of letting them fester. It’s wild to me how much crying helps me feel better. It feels like an emotional shower.
This is gonna be a short little post. Thanks for reading and following along!