A One Year (Grief) Update
A little check-in with myself to see what I’ve done in the past year.
As a lot of you probably know, I lost my dad a year ago while hiking with him and my younger brother. Last year, around a week after he passed, I wrote an article that summed up my very raw feelings as well as things I wanted to do in the next year. I thought it would be fitting to go through those 7 things and give a status update. I’ve copied the 7 things word for word into this article.
1. Learn how to deal with my trauma in regards to the day of the event. I am talking to therapists, and I think this is something that needs professional training.
This is something I’m so proud of. I definitely took it upon myself to tackle my trauma head first. It would be inaccurate to say that I have a complete handle on my emotions, but I think I’ve definitely “learned how to deal with my trauma” on a day to day basis. It’s taken countless hours of grief therapy, writing exercises and personal reflection, but I’ve learned so many different strategies to help myself. I feel very fortunate to have met a grief counselor who gives me space to talk about my feelings on a semi-weekly basis. Grief counseling has given me a whole new lens for personal reflection, and I am so thankful for it.
2. I want to get better at explaining how I’m feeling with words. I am decent at it on paper, but I think learning how to verbalize my thoughts is something I want to continue working on.
I have definitely given this second point a fair shot. This past year, through reading and reflecting, I’ve realized that there are so many different ways to express one’s emotions. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses for expressing emotions, and one is not better than another. I did want to get better at expressing myself through words, and I’ve done this in ways like posting video rambles, participating in group grief therapy, and simply being more open to difficult conversations with friends. The last one, I’m still working on, but I feel like I’ve definitely pushed myself out of my comfort zone in terms of expressing my emotions verbally. This is definitely going to be a life long effort, as are most things on this list.
3. Learn more about finances! This is something I was planning on learning this year anyways, but obviously I didn’t know this is how it would happen.
Finances. LOL. I feel like I took several unofficial crash courses in personal finance this year through talking to various financial planners, parents and random online videos. I’m pretty proud at how much I’ve learned over the past year, and I feel like I have a decent grasp on my personal finances as well. I adhere to a loose budget, track my expenses and have a decent understanding of investing and retirement. There’s still a lot to learn in this category but I feel a lot more confident.
4. I want to be more honest. I think I am good at lying about my feelings and I have decided that this is so ridiculous and incredibly not productive. I am not OK, and it is going to take me a while to get better.
This is an interesting one. I kinda forgot that I even put this on here. I’d say that I use to lie about my feelings a decent amount, but now I lie a lot less. It all comes down to the fact that I like to deal with my feelings in private, but sometimes I’m not in private and have to deal with my feelings. I can probably count on one hand the amount of times I’ve genuinely lied about my feelings this year, which is a big step up from what I used to do. To be honest, I’m not too mad at myself about this one and think I’ve made some decent progress.
5. I’ve always been a busy body and I like to exercise. I want to get back on my running grind and I want to be able to hike again. Right now, the thought of hiking actually terrifies me and I want to be able to do that again.
I’ve been pretty good about exercising semi-regularly since my dad passed away. There were a few weeks here and there when I gave myself a break, but for the most part, I’ve stuck to working out at least 3 times a week. I had a short running streak, but the weather got too hot so I started doing various free trials of workouts. I’m in the process of finding a workout class that I really like so that I can commit full time to it.
In terms of hiking, I have gone on two hikes since. I do think about my dad every time I go on a hike, but I’m not scared like I was when I wrote this point.
6. I don’t know how and where I can do this but I really want to volunteer my time and money to teaching people how to do CPR and other life saving things. Sometimes I think about what I would have done in that situation if I didn’t have the confidence that I had, and that terrifies me even more.
This is something I haven’t done. I did recently sign up for a CPR certification class, which I am really excited for. I’m not sure volunteering to teach CPR is something I still want to do, but I have found a grief counseling organization that I would really like to participate and volunteer for. I didn’t realize how important the grief community is and how much it has helped me in the past year. I want to redirect my time and effort into that instead of CPR related work.
7. Lastly, if this year has taught me one thing, it is that if I want to do something, I should just go out there and do it. As cliche as it sounds, we do have a limited amount of time on this earth. I’m so happy that both my parents have been able to do what they wanted to do right as they wanted to do it. They never saved things to do after a certain point, they just went out and traveled, ate, hiked, etc. Carpe diem!!!!!
This is a very cute thing that I said a year ago. I guess I have done this for the most part. A lot of this year was spent at home during the pandemic, so there hasn’t been too much crazy stuff that I wanted to do. I have treated myself to clothes, food, and most experiences that I have been eyeing. This is still a work in progress. I’m learning to balance my passion for minimalism/sustainability/intentional spending with my desire for seizing the day. I am excited for these next few years where we can hopefully do a little bit more traveling without worrying and exploring with friends.
Overall, I’m pretty happy with how far I’ve come with all of these points. I actually didn’t re-read my article from last year until yesterday and was fairly surprised at how much I did without even thinking about it. I’m very lucky to have had several months after my dad passed away to literally just focus on myself. I had no obligations to anyone in those months and I think it was really beneficial for my personal growth. Anyways, thanks for reading. Stay safe :)
